petite anglaise

The title is the book I'm reading at the moment, an english girl living in paris who writes a blog. true story.

so yuri finally called me today to apologise. we didn't talk for very long, he just said he was really sorry about what he did, and that it was wrong. Afterwards I cried for a bit, but i think it was just shock, because i was shaking like a leaf. It just felt so weird to talk to him again. No time has passed, but the whole world has passed. It's only been two weeks.
I like to believe in fate or destiny, because it is reassuring to think that this is just the path I am on, and if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. I miss him alot, but it's been easier. Maybe part of me knows it is the right thing to do.

People have been amazed at how well I'm doing, how strong I'm being, but i dont know if it's my doing. It's not like i feel terrible but I'm forcing myself to be happy. Most of the time i just feel ok anyway. Happy. It feels better knowing there are positive things in my life coming up in the immediate future. Thursday, Friday, Saturday night. Coast. Relaxing, reading, hanging out, fishing, lying in the sun, having fun, going crazy.

The thing i wish that could leave is the fear I have about seeing yuri again, about what it could do to me. I guess there's only so many times someone can do the same thing to you before you are forced to see the light of the situation, and i guess my limit is three. I love Yuri alot, and we were really good together, we brought out the best in each other (most of the time), but he is just too young, and is in a different place to me, and he didn't love me enough to grow up, or he just couldn't make himself grow up. I just want him to disappear from my life for a while. but i'm doing ok.