i have been feeling a bit lost lately. It is really wearing me down being alone all the time and missing yuri, and i just don't know how to make that not happen. I've been keeping happy, seeing friends, doing fun things, and i just don't know what else i can do to make things change.
My default emotion used to be a kind of muted happiness, and i'd just float through life without a care in the world, now it is just a kind of stressed sadness, and i really don't know how to deal with it. I'm waiting for it to pass, but i am starting to freak out that it might be hanging around for good.

Father of the bride.

Haven't updated in a long time. I've been staying out late, drinking champagne and cosmos, getting lapdances off strippers, watching the hills, hanging out with my girls.
Rowan is in town, he surprised me :) I was so damn happy to see him, i have work tonight but then i have the whole day off tomorrow and we're having a sleepover :)

Things have been hard about men lately, but i'm optimistic that i will find someone new. I just need patience, which is definitely not my strong suit. In the mean time I will continue to depend on my friends and family for happiness. As well as good books, a good nights sleep, good tv shows, bagels, photos and fun nights out.

hoping to get a friendship with my workmates happening, expanding my circle of people is the key. I can't meet anyone new, if i don't meet anyone new.

daystrength.

I haven't updated in ages! My computer got some weird creepy virus and I had no idea what to do about it. Schorno installed some thing though, and it seems to have done something that has allowed me to access the internet again. Went out on Thursday, but actually had a reasonable night, as was this intention, which normally never happens. Danced around, hung with the girl, and only drank alot, rather than an obscene amount. good work me.

Last night I had a very relaxed night, had dinner with my grandparents, the family and elk, watched a bit of arrested development, and went to bed at ten. ohhhh I am so old. I'm thinking of maybe doing something tonight, but perhaps doing nothing could be even better.

I've spent today watching season one of gossip girl (for the millionth time) and unpacking all my stuff in my room now that dad has ripped up the carpet and painted the walls. All that is left is the sort of scraps around my room. I am trying to bother to go into woden to print off some photos, but maybe I'll just do that tomorrow.

Going for a walk tonight :) looking forward to it alot. Cya there hoe ;)

that will be the best therapy for me.

Had a fabulous night last night. Went to tams for a dinner party. Me jake tam elk brit and vrock drank ate and sat on the balcony talking.
Was a hysterical night. I got wayyyy too drunk (again) and kept saying I was magi from fern gully and trying to heal jake. ahhh good wednesday night.

Had a bit of a d&m with jake. He is tams housemate and somewhat of a new friend to me. We were talking about ex's etc etc and he doesn't know the situation with me and yuri, and he was like "It's just pretty clear you're very much not over him" and i was like "...ouch.", i sort of thought that it seems like i'm pretty happy. And emily (another new friend) i said somehting about how "i'm fine" and she was like "no offence, but you don't seem fine to me." God i miss him.

Anyways I'm having a great evening hanging out with the parents and watching so you think you can dance, biggest loser and twenty to one. Got another god girls night planned for saturday :D

loretta bobbins lorelai.

I had a fabulous night last night where I went to brits, and we lay in bed, watched the hills marathon, and scoffed down delicious delicious pizza, it made me feel much better.

I also slept for twelve hours which is helping me battle off sickness.

Went to lunch today with a woman i will be housesitting for. Really looking forward to it, imagining nights of sitting around by myself, drinking vodka and sitting on the deck.

O-week was fabulous, drinking, dancing, partying, drinking some more, partying some more. Such a fun week, freaking out about getting back to the real world tomorrow.

I have to go get my new passport photo taken and send off for it, clean my room, do my cleaning around the house and apply for new jobs. Also have to attend my first lecture for the new year!

hey hey.

This is a short update cause I'm dying.
I will write about all insane oweek shenanigans, but later, as now all i want to do is whine about my sickness.
I mean i totally deserve it, but tight chest, feeling like i can't breathe and gay hacking cough is not making me too happy.
I also have achy body like when you first start to get sick. god dammit.
On the upside, feeling super happy, good memories of the week.

All the things I did tonight, those will be the best memories
I just wanna let it go for the night, that will be the best therapy for me.

Instead of dancing alone, I should be dancing with you.

This is a picture of my new peacock necklace. love it. Also, note my love heart pj shorts. Valentines is in the air.

Last night I went to a friend's farewell, it wasn't too sad, I stayed at his, and we spooned and cuddled just like we used to. I'll miss him.
The night itself was fabulous, despite the rain (so shocking to those who live in canberra) we headed out to the mawso and hung out, laughed, drank until they kicked us out.
I went shopping yesterday and bought some new clothes, but it sucks because now I am running low on drinking/partying money for Oweek.
I will take some photos of them, but I cannot be bothered getting out of bed atm.

My Valentines is quite lovely, lounged around in bed with rowan all morning, then came back here and watched the OC while mother made me a bacon and egg roll. Fabulous food after drinking. I napped and generally felt very slobbish, but in a good way, as it was exactly what I wanted to do.