she's got it written on her.

Thursday night was awesome. Did not intend to have a big one but then very much did. We went to oktoberfest in the afternoon/evening, great atmosphere, am definatly going to have to hang there more often. then we sauntered over to uni pub, but the atomosphere there was pretty gay. sad. Mel and jane left. also sad. but then we went to labour club, we arrived like five minutes after brendan and paul and by the time we got there paul was passed out at the table. We all just hung out, talking, me getting free drinks from brendan. yay :P Then We (and by this stage "we" means me adi tam and brendan) went to acads.

It was awesome there, drank and danced, danced so much, got some acads photos taken, hopefully they turn out alright. At about one we went outside to get some fresh air, where inspired by the oktoberfest social atmosphere i got chatting with some fellow gutter rat boys. Tam got picked up by josh and then we (we now meaning me brendan and adi) were like "...yeah guess we better go to" but adi just wanted to drop by ic's quickly to say hi to a friend. We ended up staying there till about two thirty, and it was really fun again, lots more dancing, lots more free drinks. Jagerbombs. At two thirty we were again liek "yeah guess it's time to go" and start walking back to the car, luckily we hadn't got far when adi was like "hang on, does anyone actually want to leave?" and we were liek NO! so on we went to cube!

cube was possibly the best part of the night, really good music, smoke machines, topless boys making out lol. We got to maccas at like four thirty, and then brendan adi and i passed out at my house. I was going to get up in the morning to say goodbye etc etc, but i was wayyyy too hungover. Awesome night.

Today is stephs bday :) Her 21st is tonight. Some of our family is coming today so taht will be sweet. Also for the first time in a while skin is looking good and i'm looking really and feeling really great. yay just in time. See you all tonight hoes :)

the fame was like a drug...but what was more like a drug was the drugs.

the kids today were major shits. i nearly snapped and killed them all. but i made it through and at least i have a day off tomorrow :)

last night elk and i drank champagne with strawberries and lemon sorbet, i got drunk, and felt happy, and light and free. still feeling that way. must be the weather. My skin is screwing me into the ground. My previous working skincare has now just dried the SHIT out of my skin, so i had to buy a new cleanser today. BUT i went into anu pharmacy, and they had my old cetaphil!! i have not seen it anywhere else in like a year, i though they'd stopped making it. so my skin will be rightened soon. whether it is soon enough? too early to tell.

melons coming over soon for some gossip girl, then i've got to get down to some essay writing :S lame. but. tomorrow....sweet sweet FREEDOM!!! fuuuck yeah. octoberfest. partying. happiness :)

we are just not getting back together.
we are in different places in our lives and it's just not going to happen. sad :(

she wears high heels.

this is my cute new dress :D only just imagine it brighter and cuter and sexier and with a really cool back :P and also my boobs do not actually look as insane as they do in the photos. to get the full dress shot i had to press the webcam button with a coat hanger, inventive no?

even though i freaked out about the price, i just have to enjoy seeing as i've already bought it. it makes me look really slim and pretty and makes me feel fun and flirty and great so it's worth it :)

yesterday i had a relaxing evening where i enhanced my natural beauty by dying my eyebrows and eyelashes, i'm so handy. then i lay around reading cosmo (didn't even have to buy it cause steph already had!)

today i went to woden and printed out some new photos yay :)

but now the fact that i have been so neglectful of my schoolwork today has caught up with me, so tonight i will be doing essays. hopefully pretty much finishing english. i just feel very light these days, maybe it's the sunnier weather, maybe it's the feeling of back off from assignments, but feeling good. I want some champgane.

20,000 leagues under the sea.

irritatingly it seems as though my skin is going throuhg a "got to get worse before it gets better". sucks. but i think give it a week and my skin will be glowing and radiant.

today i went down to a book fair with mum, and i went to look in the classics childrens book section and some BITCH had just picked up the magic of the faraway tree! of course i have been hunting for it forever. Steph and I stalked her for a while, then i told mum and mum went up to her and was like "yes that book? i was wondering if you really wanted it because my daughter has been looking everywhere for it" unfortunatly it was the ladies favorite kids book too (boo, good taste) but mum rules for asking :P

on the plus i got some original brothers grimm fairy tales, and some more cheap chick lit (as if you can ever have enough) also an old version of 20,000 leagues under the sea and edgar allen poe's fantastic stories.

steph and i went to civic for a quickie look round the shops, and i bought a forever new dress, then freaked out about the cost of it, but steph agreed to buy it off me for cost price, and i can buy it back later if i want :) also i'm hoping that i can still wear it to stephs 21st, that would be awesome. I'm going to go dome some essay. and then tonight I plan on reading the new cosmo, watching sex and the city, and having some night time smokes out on the balcony :)

things that we must do VERY soon, as i am super excited about the summer :) : nights at the mawson club, kingos wherevs, picnics, coaasssst, FROLICKING! cannot wait for mid week hangs again! when we are not so swamped on schoolwork we can jsut decide to go out.

yay for sunny weather!

buttons.

Yesterday I began my re-invention/overhaul.

Elk and i went shopping and talked to this make up artist guy and he picked me out proper cleansers and moisturisers etc cause i never know what to buy, and after only one day i can feel my skin healing. go skin go! i got some new eyeshadows and foundation and concealor and stuff too. pretty exciting. I've been eating healthier lately, but still have a ways to go. I'm going to get into better after next week, when i have finished my essays and thus don't need to constantly reward myself with treats lol.

This will also be the time where i start getting back into the gym for serious. Would like to drop five kilos tone the up, and generally frolick around and be carefree again! only one more week! Cannot wait for warmth on my skin again, and singlets and denim shorts and cute hats and sunnies and being OUTDOORS. coast trips, sitting on balconies.

also. i want long hair so bad i could die.

I got it from my mama.

Melon I cannot WAIT for the little champgane bottles tomorrow. Honestly, it's all that's keeping me going. I think i will call after i write this blog.
Today work was very amusing. I helped the girls with their cheerleading routine and then laughed at them as they strutted around to the "baby where'd you get your body from" song.

Mitch and ewan decided to re-enact home and away, and mitch ran around screaming "I TRUSTED YOU! YOU LIED TO ME!!" over and over in a high pitched girly voice and trying to hit ewan. It was pretty on the money. I love my work.

Yesterday i was telling anna (this kindy girl) that i was really poor cause i am a uni student and i was writing a list of things i needed to get when i was paid. Then today we were walking and i said something about having something "pretty" and she was liek "YOU DON"T EVEN HAVE ANY PRETTY MONEY!! HEY EVERYONE! SHE"S POOR! SHE"S POOR!" and then looked at me very pitingly and asked if i have anywhere to sleep or any money for food.

Friend jealousy! lol melon and jane are going to kingo's tonight and i'm here. i hate feeling like i'm out of the loop. pretty sure my friends should jsut sit at home and do nothing until i call on them. :P

dedicated to my ladies.

And I just gotta tell you one more time.
You're the best damn girl in the whole wide world, baby you're the best in the whole wide world, you're the only one that i'm ever gonna need, baby you're the one, only one for me.
I just wanna tell you you're the one that i need, baby you're the one, only one for me.

keep, going.

Having a pretty good day today cause i'm avoiding all schoolwork. tonight is going to suck though. I've just been bopping around, looking at makeup tutorials on youtube. I was wearing the necklace in my pictures for the first time in a while, and it made me think about when I got it and people had to inform me that it wasn't in fact, a little coffin with a smiley face, but a kite. Whatevs, it's still cool.

Back to school today, after school care that is. Actually looking forward to seeing some of the kids. But when I get back it will be death in the form of essay.

I've been listening to dance music and thinking about partying. Can't wait for freedom. Girls night? Hells yes.

My makeup is looking cute today and the only ones who are going to see it are the asshole kids. boo.

broken hearted girl

I know that I love you, but let me just say, I don't want to love you in no kind of way.

I'm listening to broken hearted girl by beyonce over and over again and feeling sad and sorry for myself. I miss him so much.

Damn she's a sexy bitch.

Best freaking night :P Got trashed, Hooked up with a sexy boy, could of had me some sex, but i got too drunk and just kept flitting away from him. Me and mel were the centre of our whirlwind night.

Went down to chapman oval to pre-game, got swept away in crazy girls night nostalgia. Went crazy out in civic. Tore up moose. Danced like crazy fucking bitches. I grinded the boy and dirty danced my heart out. Drink, drink, drink some more.

Best music. Music to go absolutly fucking insane to. Can't wait till next thursday.

guilty as charged.

leather jacket bitch :P

Questacon today. In the morning the kids got to choose which staff member they wanted to go with, mim and i were the popular choices. battles over who would get to go with us ensued. Got a lovely warm welcome when I arrived today too, nice yells of "yay jackis here!" hugs etc Love kids.

At questacon we wandered around, seeing all, doing all, I even went on the giant drop! i was so scared i could barely walk up the stairs, but i didn't want to look like a baby in front of gilly (the six year old girl who went before me) so i shut my eyes and did it. It was way fun.

For lunch today I had pasta with chicken and pesto :D soooo f-ing good. Now I am going to attempt to do some homework and strut around in my outfit for tonight. drunk much? It's party time.

the flying trapeze.

Had the best day at work today.
For the we had one of those games where you dress someone up in newspaper and fashion clothes for them out of newspaper and tape, Katie and I decided to make an outfit ourselves as something to do. I was the model, and we decided I'd be the queen of hearts. Basically we got really competitive, started heckling the older kids etc etc

7 year old boy: could you please help us?
Me and katie: we're not here to help, we're here to win!

We decided that of course we wouldn't be part of the competition, but then our desire for victory over took us and I strutted down the cat walk like a pro. We won.

Us: 1 Children: 0

I took these photo to try and show the glitter hairspray I've got all through my hair, but it didn't work. Questacon tomorrow. Then going out! Yay :)

It's gonna be a night to remember.

Work this week has got off to a good start, as yesterday I had the morning shift and morning shifts means excusrsions! We went to the national film and sound archive, and watched old episodes of playschool and other cool things. Fun way to spend the morning and get paid. Alas this afternoon I am working the afternoon shift, but then tomorrow I have the morning shift again and that means questacon!

Here relates a conversation I had with one of the little girls, Merran:

Merran: Did you know my auntie's dead?

Me: oh, that's very sad.

Merran: I get her cats though, her two cats.

Me: Well that's very nice of you to look after her cats.

Merran: They're not real cats.

Me: Oh.

The weather is rainy and overcast and is fabulous from my vantage point of my bed, but makes work incredibly difficult. I have to do some cleaning today too. Lame.

Donald.

Drawn by Yuri and Tam circa 2007.

I'm in miami bitch.

So at the moment, as far as emotions go, I am in a very weird place. I am sad, but not even sad, I think about Yuri pretty much all the time, it is always in the back of my mind. I think I don't even know how to feel in this situation. It's also hard because I feel like I can't talk about it with most people. Elk and Rowan have very little empathy for the situation because they seem to feel like I should have just moved on already. And Elk is very judgemental about Yuri and I and our relationship which makes it hard to talk to her at all. It really pisses me off because she just acts very superior and the tone is pretty much "get over it already" which is unfair, because when she has had her (numerous) problems with alex I never got on my judgement cap, or threw things she said about the relationship in the heat of the moment back in her face. Especially when the things she's said are much more damning.
I feel very lost without him at the moment, Ironic in that him feeling lost in his life is one of the reasons we are not together.
It is just sort of this constant cloud of melancholia is always over me, every time I lapse into silence I start thinking about him again. It's really hard at the moment, because I just don't know what to do, or what I'm supposed to do, Or what's supposed to happen.
Sorry for bitching, I'm just going to go to sleep, and hopefully in the morning I'll feel better.

Maybe read the post below, that's happy.

can't back out, can't back out.

I did buy a leather jacket. and god it was the greatest decision of my life!
Friday I hung out with elk, we pottered around the house, eating nice breads, watching high school musical three and bopping around to high school musical songs. We went shopping looking for something hot to wear on saturday night, and we both bought spur of the moment leather jackets! The asian girl who was working at the shop though we were sisters lol. When we got home we put on sex and the city and I painted my nails and strutted around in various leather jacket outfit combinations while elk wallowed in my bed playing mahjong. We try and figure out something to do for the night as it is the long weekend and we want to make the most of it. And also because we want to give our new jackets an outing. Just when we have conceded defeat, and are looking forward to settling in, watching the other two high school musicals, Charlotte messages us wanting to hang. Yay! Charlotte is our high school friend who is in wagga doing vet so this was very exciting. We decide on uni pub, as it is raining, and fridays nights are apparently lame if you are trying to go clubbing. Basically it was me elk talz and charlotte, a nice little high school reunion, with cameos from Farlow, Claire, Rowan and Tam. We hung out at uni pub, marvelling at the weird friday night crowd, and how old they all were. Then we moved onto kingos. Nice relaxed night, lots of boys checked us out, felt v. hot :P Elk and I got back to hers at about one am, we were just sitting on her bed, chatting, winding down from her night and eating maccas, when what follows is a classic raina story.

At about 1:30am the doorbell starts being rung frantically and elk answers it, it is raina (elks sister who normally lives with their mum) saying that her friend rachel and these two random guys who apparently know rachel are going to stay over. What ensues is elk and I turning violently against this rachel whore, Elk looking out the boys and threatening to call the cops if they come in the house, drunken raina saying it's not her fault they have to stay, even though she doesn't want them too, because she didn't have enough spine to say no. I sat on the bed cackling and enjoying rainas latest escapades. Eventually everyone comes inside, they go upstairs and then I lie in bed for a while listening to elk bang about in the kitchen tryin gto piss them off.

Saturday morning we wake up and go buy ourselves some croissants for breakfast. We saunted back to my house, making a detour to woden so i could get some new drugs, as I could feel a migraine coming on and did NOT want to be struck down in pain for the rest of the day. We lay around in bed, listening to high school musical. I had a bit of a nap to ward off my migraine, while elk played chess and mahjong, then she had a nap and I read for a bit. We are such an old married couple. Mel came over after work and the three of us cooked a fantastic pasta (how about that cheese? that's some skill with the grater) ate our fill then headed out (on the leather jackets second outing) to isaacs.

It was pretty much me elk adi and mel and donald, isaac, pat and paul, as well as some other boys who don't really feature in my mind. We had a nice laidback night, playing pool hanging out. Totally forgot about the changing relationships that the other girls (adi and mel) have with these boys, as my relationship with them (mostly distant) has not changed over time. All the girls were a bit tired and apparently a bit too competitive to verse each other in pool, but when our forces were united under one banner we were unstoppable. We headed home pretty early (eleven) and were in bed by twelve.

Upcoming things today? Have to try and do my assignments: fail. Finish my cleaning, do some washing, and then tonight mum and i are going to see swan lake! i think it's the russian ballet. Pretty excited, then maybe hitting up rnb heat at acads with melon :)

Wish uni was over. Sapping my soul.

Do you wanna?

No leather jacket. Alas. But maybe it's a good thing. Instead i can invest in cute dresses for the summer.
Hung out with brit :)

On the plus, my hair turned out fabulous :P I will take a picture but I'm not sure if you can see it. I have to go to drama tonight. Gay. But sexy director will be there. Awesome. Wish me luck! Also, dig my new red lipstick? sexy no? even though I am a retard at webcam photos.